New Years Honours List.

Dear Doddery,

Please find enclosed a Dukedom and Peerage.

"For services to culverts, potholes, and bleeding tar."

Her Majesty is still considering your request for a new shovel handle.

Yours in Superiority,

Archibald Snot
Dispenser of Gongs.
P.S.
This entitles you to be addressed as "Lord Fart, or Duke Doddery", to sit above the salt, and a 5% discount on tweed.