Piracy

I think I have cracked an attempt by an international pie cartel, to muscle in on my territory.

I received the following email yesterday;
Sir,
This is to provide legal notice of an impending inspection of SH3.
The inspection will be unannounced, but it is anticipated that onsite presence will be towards the end of this month. A report will be compiled and published.
The inspection will address general travel-worthiness, facilities and workforce aspects of the travel experience.

To this end, I recommend that verges are trimmed, cambers (where applicable) are corrected, slips suppressed and that road maintenance operators are well-turned out and polite.

I have identified a number of recommended facilities en route which will also receive attention, including but not limited to the Whitebait Inn in Mokau.

Research has, however, not come up with a source for the supposedly excellent variety of meat pies for which the region is renowned,

I should be indebted to you, should you be able to assist me in this matter...

Now cunning detective work, and by following a link, I find that this came from someone who claims to be big in the "forecasting and revenue management" area.

Now forecasting my revenue management is easy.

Zilch.

Then I discover someone who is devouring southern Austria, in seven course scoffs.
He is in altitude training...

And he wants to know where I get my pies....

Fat Chance,
You can't fool Doddery.

"I have only five words for you: From my cold, dead hands." ...

My bank manager said that.